Welcome to my new blog.
I've decided to start blogging again. In the past, I could not continue due to many commitments, emotionally and physically exhausted too. This new blog space is just a humble blog of mine, wanting to share my boring but contented life. I've lost many readers over the years, toned down and set my social accounts to private too.
For those who are interested, my instagram account is @devampie.
Just a small recap of my life, it was a big struggle in the past and still is for now but times will be better real soon. I'm proudly a single-mum with two adorable daughters whom I love dearly. Last year August, I've a place of my own. One of the milestones accomplished to having my own shelter, a cosy place for me & my kids. The theme of my loft is "Vintage Industrial", a theme I've been dreaming. Low hanging lights with warm light bulbs, brick walls, vintage swtiches and decorations and raw looking running-tones tiles & carpentry. I did not hire an interior designer or a representative to design or handle my house renovations, it was all by myself (of course with some electricians, tiler & carpenter). I glued the bricked one by one with my own hands, having the concept in my head while doing it, spraying the conduit pipes and shipping in the furnitures I've shopped online, it was an big achievement for me and am very proud of myself. I was blessed financially too as all renovations & furnitures was paid up by cash.
In my life, I've struggled the most was the past 8 years of my life. The most bitter phrase but only three factors pulled me through. The first factor was my children. I've never been separated from them and they kept me going by being by my side, the love of a mother is a powerful thing, nothing can stop or drag me down. Second is my family, they are always like angels protecting, guiding me and helping me in all areas out of sacrificial love. Thirdly and the most important one, God. These three factors showed me how and what real love is. My marriage, I thought and asssumed that the "love" given to me & my kids was it but it isn't love at all. The "love" we experienced was selfish and with conditions, purely just being taken advantage & pathetic.
I grew stronger, thou at times I crumbled in anger and unjust, but the fight was not easy. It's wasn't easy then and even till now it's still isn't. Before, I was unsure of my decisions and even I was, I gave in to my soft-heartedness yet everytime it just slapped me right in the face that I should not give in initially. My weakness supposed to be a chance for the other to change for the better and prove it's worth but it was just another chance to allow myself to be hurt again and over again.
Many resented on themselves for the failures in life, we may play a part but if we changed and others don't, we can't do much at all. I've played a big part in the failure as this quote says, "What you allow is what will continue", and it became worst. Forgiveness is one thing, but still giving others comfort in doing wrong without punishments or having a price to pay is going to allow the sins to grow. As a saying, "some people just won't change" this applies to most people because warnings worth nothing now, not until the loss is felt and the pain is inflicted but that's the end, it's going to be too late and I'm at this very point of life. When enough is enough, I've to be courageous in the decisions of my life not giving in to the pity of a sinful soul who is unwilling to change or repent. Remove what has rotten and uproot it, never allow it to spread and destroy everything that is still worth keeping.
Friends come and go, but to those who stayed by, I'm very thankful. It wasn't easy on my friends too, because of my marriage, many of my friendships were jeopardized, threats and warnings were given to them, or even unpleasant confrontations. Some were frightened away, some refrained so I did not contact them frequently as I did not want them to be in stress or danger. But those who stayed behind and helped in little or many ways all these while, I must thank y'all with all my heart. Those friends who drifted from me, if you're reading this, please understand that I've had very bad times leaving me no time to catch up or communicate with y'all because of the constant stress I've been facing all these while. Having to look after my kids single-handedly, going to court sessions, taking statements, meeting up with counsellors and even seeing the lawyers.
They say don't air your dirty linens in public so I will not touch further on details. But I have to loudly and proudly say that I did no wrong to anyone. The only thing I can say is, " I had enough and if I don't save myself, no one will". It's over the time of playing victim, and stop being someone else's victim. Get out of bondage, get your freedom back.
Back to the purpose of the blog post, I'm back. A happier self and those who are facing a hard time, don't be dismay. As the going gets tough, the tough gets going. God will not give you trials that you cannot handle.
No comments:
Post a Comment